PATRICKS DAY JOKES AND HUMOR PAGE 2.
of you a safe and vomitous free Saint Paddy's.
Here shall we host those
Day Jokes and General Saint Paddy's Day Humor that we have
received over the years.
You might look at this as a One stop
Day / Irish Jokes and Humor resource page.
We realize that the whole Idea of a Saint Patrick's Day Humor Page Borders on
Bigotry to a major degree but when it's funny, it's funny.
In an effort to
conserve some space we are going to put several jokes on each page of
this section and we will try to mix them up for varieties sake.
We hope you like the St. Paddy's Day Joke
selection. Be sure to pass this page around to help us out. You might
also check out a sponsor if you see one of interest.
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The Oddball collective puts great stock in
the well known fact that the Irish are a wonderful and well humored
people We are sure that the seeming bigotry of these jokes will not
offend them. Just in case, though, we are having our wives start our
cars for us.
Now lets get started with the best Irish
Joke We have ever heard. Howler did his best to
rewrite this particular Irish joke from memory.
Some Quick Irish Jokes
1. 'Ah, good morning, Mrs Irwin, and how is everything?'
'Sure and I'm having a great time of it between my husband and
the fire. If I keep my eye on the one, the other is sure to go
2. 'Shay, do you understand French,?'
'To be sure, I do if it's spoken in Irish.'
3. Two Irishmen, Pat and Murphy, saw sign saying "Tree fellers"
Murphy said to Pat, said, 'If only Seamus had been with us we'd
have got that job.'
(One of those Irish Jokes better told than written).
4. 'I'd like some nails,' Michael requested of the travelling
'How long would you like them?' asked the man.
'Forever, if that's all right with you,' said Michael.
5. 'Murphy, why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and
carousing?' said Mrs O'Leary
'It's too late,' replied Murphy.
'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous Mrs O'Leary.
'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
6. 'There's a terrible smell in this café,' said O'Hara.
'Maybe it's the drains.'
'It can't be the drains,' retorted O'Hara, 'we haven't got any.'
7. 'I'll have fish and chips twice,' announced O'Driscoll.
'Very well,' said the shopkeeper. 'The fish won't be long.'
'Then they'd better be fat,' suggested O'Driscoll.
8 .'I had an accident opening a can of alphabeti spaghetti this
morning,' said Murphy.
'Were you injured?' inquired Seamus.
'No, but it could have spelled disaster,' concluded Murphy.
9. Finnegan: Me wife has a terrible habit of staying up
'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
O'Callaghan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
10. When on holiday to the west coast. I soon got lost in
Lahinch and I wanted directions to get to Lisdoonvarna, when I
asked a local he said. If I wanted to get to Lisdoonvarna I
would not start here, I would start in Ennis.
humor for your reading entertainment.
1. An American lawyer inquired, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
Irishman a question, he
answers with another question?'
'Who told you that?' asked Paddy.
2. An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'
3. Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the
vase on the mantel
'No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.'
4. 'O'Halloran,' asked the pharmacist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your
'It did surely,' replied O'Halloran, 'but it keeps fallin' off.'
5. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
One less drunk.
More Good Irish Jokes
On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his back
'What's in the bag?' asked Paddy
'I'm not going to tell', replied Murphy
'Go on, do.' pleaded Paddy.
'Ah, all right then, it's ducks.' announced Murphy
'If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?'
'Look', said Murphy, 'If you guess the correct number, I'll give you both of
'Five!' said Paddy triumphantly.
Irishmen Flying High
Two Irishmen hired an open cockpit aeroplane to fly over Dublin on St Patrick's
Day. As they were winging their way through the air, O'Toole turned to his
friend, Murphy and said, 'Murphy, I'm going to fly upside down.'
'Begorrah, O'Toole', shouted Murphy,' don't do that, we'll fall out.'
'No we won't,' responded O'Toole, 'I'll still talk to you.'
Classic Irish Joke
Dave and Peter, two English men, are walking along O'Connell Street, in Dublin,
when they see a sign in a shop window:
Suits £15.00, shirts £2.00, trousers £2.50.
Peter says to Dave, 'Look at that - we could buy a lot of that gear and, when we
get back to England we could make a fortune. When we go into the shop don't say
anything, let me do all the talking, because if they hear our accent they might
not serve us, so I'll speak in my best Irish accent.'
They go in and Peter orders, 50 suits at £15.00, 100 shirts at £2.00 and 50
trousers at £2.50 The owner of the shop says, 'You're English aren't you?'
Peter replies 'Oh bother... Yes, how on earth did you know that?'
The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners...'
Father O'Connor - Irish Tale from Cork
Father O'Connor walks into a pub and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you
want go to heaven?'
The man replies, 'Yes, Father.'
Father O'Connor then says, 'Leave this bar right now, and go outside'.
O'Connor proceeds to another man, and asks him the same thing. The chap also
Father O'Connor asks him too to go out.
The Reverend Father goes the third man and asks, 'Would you like to go to
This time the reply is, 'No thank-you Father.'
Surprised, Father O'Connor asks, 'Why not?'
The man opines, 'I mean I do, but only after I die.'
The Father O'Connor explains, 'That's what I am talking about.'
The man says, 'Oh, I thought you are getting a group ready right now.'
Nasty case of Arthritis
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained,
his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is
sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, 'Say, Father, what
causes arthritis?' Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and
contempt for your fellow man, 'answers the priest.' I'll be damned, 'the drunk
mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes.' I'm
very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?'
'Oh, I don't have it, Father. But it says here that the Pope does.'
[ N E X T ]
We will be adding a few more sections to
this site before putting it to bed for the year.
The Naptown Nomands in association with
like to thank you for continuing to amuse yourselves amongst our many pages.
Hope it was worth a chuckle or three.
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