PATRICKS DAY JOKES AND HUMOR PAGE 1.
of you a safe and vomitous free Saint Paddy's.
Here shall we host those
Day Jokes and General Saint Paddy's Day Humor that we have
received over the years.
You might look at this as a One stop
Day / Irish Jokes and Humor resource page.
We realize that the whole Idea of a Saint Patrick's Day Humor Page Borders on
Bigotry to a major degree but when it's funny, it's funny.
In an effort to
conserve some space we are going to put several jokes on each page of
this section and we will try to mix them up for varieties sake.
We hope you like the St. Paddy's Day Joke
selection. Be sure to pass this page around to help us out. You might
also check out a sponsor if you see one of interest.
St. Patrick's Day Memes
MEMES 2 ]
MEMES 3 ]
St. Pats Jokes / Irish Jokes ]
JOKES 2 ] [
JOKES 3 ]
JOKES 4 ] [
JOKES 5 ]
St. Pat's Funny Videos ]
Saint Paddy's Pets ]
The Oddball collective puts great stock in
the well known fact that the Irish are a wonderful and well humored
people We are sure that the seeming bigotry of these jokes will not
offend them. Just in case, though, we are having our wives start our
cars for us.
Now lets get started with the best Irish
Joke We have ever heard. Howler did his best to
rewrite this particular Irish joke from memory.
What's In A Name?
One of the towns old codgers sat his usual place at the
end of the bar. He called me over when he gave me notice. "Set
right here young lad," he says "and hear a tale of the most
important thing I've learned in me many years upon gods green
"Do You see that field out the window across the way there?" He
"Aye, I see it," Says I.
"Used to be trees there boy, far as a long days walk of
trees. I were on the crew that cleared that land. 10 long hard
years of me life I gave the job, and back breaking work, it
"Sounds a hard bit." I say.
"It were boy, and with all that, do you think they call
me McGregor The Wood Cutter, or some such of a sort?" He asks.
"I wouldn't be at all surprised," I says.
"Well they don't. They don't call me the wood cutter nor
the field clearer despite my 10 years work." He counters, and
"Lad? Do you see the dock out there by the lake?"
"I do," I reply.
"I built that dock with these my hands," He continued. "I
cut each tree involved, planked and planed the boards, set the
posts, and put it all together there where it stands these last
15 years. Good solid construction, will last another 15 at
"I gave a quick, "Aye" in agreement.
"But do ya think for a day they call me, 'McGregor the
carpenter', or 'McGregor the Dock Builder'? Nooo, Lad, yet again
"Doesn't seem quite right," I says.
"Hush now boy and Look out there to the lane, take note
of the fine stone wall that's there," He continued.
"Tis a fine wall," I confirm.
"Aye it tis boy, fine indeed," he returns. "Tis fine
because yet again I built it wit me own hands. I dug many of
those rocks from the field there and hauled them over. Set each
in place, toiled for hours a day, and days a week, and weeks a
month until one day she stood strong and complete."
"But Laddy, do they call me 'Mcgregor the Wall builder', Or 'Mcgregor
the stone mason', no Lad, no they don't."
He continues before I might make comment.
"And here be the wisdom of a life, lad. About what a man
does in a life and the names he might earn himself. All these
years of names well earned, The wood cutter, The Dock Builder,
The stone mason, and by none of which am I known, But just one
time in a long life of possible names, you fuck just one
humor for your reading entertainment.
Examples of a Funny Irish One-Liners
1. Where were you going when I saw you coming back?
2. I ran after you, but when I caught up to you you'd gone.
3. 'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father.
Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.
4. 'How far is it to the next village?' asked the American tourist. 'It's about
seven miles,' guessed the farmer. 'But it's only five if you run!'
5. 'I'm the unluckiest person in the whole world,' moaned Betty McGrath. 'I
bought a non-stick pan and can't get the label off.'
6. 'I'd like some nails,' Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. 'How long
would you like them?' asked the man. 'Forever, if that's all right with you,'
7. 'The baby is just like his father,' said Mary Quinn. 'But at least he's got
8. 'I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!'
Things that only the illogical Irish would
1.'You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!'
2.'How come every time you ring a wrong number it's never engaged?'
3.'Spread out in a bunch.'
4.'Hello, Mary, how's your new false teeth?' asked Bridget. 'I'm leaving them
out till I get used to them!' said Mary.
More Good Irish Jokes
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the
pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the
ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one –
just had another fight with the little woman.”
“Oh yeah?” said Charlie, “And how did this one end?”
“When it was over,” Mike replied, “She came to me on her hands and knees.
“Really,” said Charles, “Now that’s a switch! What did she say?”
She said, “Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.”
Paddy Reilly had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to
walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far
side for their first legal drink.
So, when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out
to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.
'Nana,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake
like me father, his father, and his father before him?"
Nana Reilly looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because
yer father, yer grandfather and yer great-grandfather were all born in December,
when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya bloody eejit!"
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, Father,
me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' A mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal
in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin'
what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go strait away Father. Do ya' think 5,000 is enough to
donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary and Joseph. Why didn't ya tell me the dog
[ N E X T ]
We will be adding a few more sections to
this site before putting it to bed for the year.
The Naptown Nomands in association with
like to thank you for continuing to amuse yourselves amongst our many pages.
Hope it was worth a chuckle or three.
ThanksGiving Humor ] [
Humor ] [
Halloween Humor ]
Valentine's Humor ] [
St. Pat's Day Humor ]
[ Funny Pictures ] [
Humor ] [
Online Games ]
Copyright © 1998 - 2013 O.I. Unlimited
Reproduction in part or whole strictly prohibited. Use subject