The Very Best in Valentines Meme Humor Collected to save you time. Man vs Woman Jokes and Memes and general Relationship and Marriage Memes and Jokes, and Videos for your Amusement. Your one stop Valentine Comedy Shop.
“Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.” – Mirabeau
'Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.'
WARNIING: I would like to go on record and officially State that I am not going to be held responsible in these sensitive times should the sharing of these Valentines Jokes incur you such mishaps as the loss of employment or harassment suits. The wee lil Love powem you are about to read was written for and about a women I was involved with. It would not do to share this with random female aquaintances with which there is no estasblished romantic interest. (Don't be a creepy feely bastard with unfamiliar women and know your familiarty level with familiar women.)
YOUR FEATURED VALENTINE'S ROMANTIC POEM
If I Had Breasts
If I Had Breasts,
Me thinks I wouldn’t mind so much
Were you to fondle them,
upon your every whim.
Were you to walk up unannounced and nuzzle,
I shouldn’t think I’d get upset.
I think it wouldn’t anger me
When you pawed at them in public.
They are wonderous things – your breasts
Twin symbols of your strength, and beauty
In life, and motherhood.
Stop slapping me.
HERE BE A BIT OF HALLOWEEN HUMOR FOR YOU.
Choose Your Words Wizely
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. The husband gets up in a rage and says, And you are no good in bed either, and storms out of the house.
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'
A Man meets a gorgeous Womman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows her around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on shelves all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The Man is surprised this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to asker what the deal is there. He is actually quite impressed that she wasn't worried about letting him see them.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion they are lying there together in the afterglow, the Man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The Women says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
Valentine’s Day Genie
AN OLDER WOMAN runs into her friend at the mall. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “I found an old lamp the other day. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He explained that genies don’t give three wishes anymore, but he did offer me a choice between one of two wishes. He could give me a better memory or turn my husband into the greatest lover ever.”
“Tough choice,” said her friend. “Which one did you choose?”
“That’s the thing. I can’t remember.”
Loving Pet Names
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, Mother of Six in spite of her objections.
Flowers at the Office
My wife rang me at work on Valentine's Day.
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They're absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "That's probably why someone decided to send them flowers then."
You Get One Wish
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.'
The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'
Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.
Well that about raps up the Valentines Day Funnies for Right Now. I will post more as soon as I get the chance. Thanks for taking the time to check it all out. Share us if you like us.
I appear to have lost my Valentines Humor page and my St. Pats Humor Page during a migration. Sadness.
Do Not miss our Holiday Humor sections at AllFunPix.com. Lots of laughs and growing every year.
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