The Very Best in Valentines Meme Humor Collected to save you time. Man vs Woman Jokes and Memes and general Relationship and Marriage Memes and Jokes, and Videos for your Amusement. Your one stop Valentine Comedy Shop.
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and just before she begins menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.
WARNIING: I would like to go on record and officially State that I hereby disavow myself from any repercussions of sharing any of the jokes you might find here. I am not going to be held responsible in these sensitive times should the sharing of these Valentines Jokes incur you such mishaps as the loss of employment or harassment suits. And should these bits of Valentine Humor cost you a relationship or marriage, I would like to publicly state that you are probably better off.
YOUR FEATURED VALENTINE ONE-LINER JOKES
I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single.
What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.
What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.
What is Politically Correct way of saying Happy Valentines day! S.A.D, Singles Awareness Day!
What would you get it you crossed Donald Trump with the God of love? A stupid cupid!
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive on Valentines Day by 90 percent.... Wedding cake.
I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360
Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.
For the last twenty years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer.
My girlfriend just texted me and thanked me for "the most memorable Valentine's Day ever".
HERE BE A BIT OF HALLOWEEN HUMOR FOR YOU.
Meeting The Exe's
Husband takes the wife to a dance club.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
“See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
“Looks like he's still celebrating!!!”
Twas The Night Before Valentin's
One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” Jim said.
That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.
Lawyer's Are Evil
Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.
By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asked Mike.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied.
It was Valentines Day and a little old couple in their eighties were sitting on the couch watching TV. For a lark, the old man switched over to the Playboy Channel.
They watched for a few minutes, then he looked at her and asked,
"Well, we can sure try!" she answered.
So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went into the bathroom to get ready and she took off all her clothes in the bedroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the middle of the bedroom floor.
"What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked.
"Well," she replied, "I thought if you couldn't get it up, maybe you could just drop it in!
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday's, I go fishing!
Marital Ground Rules
A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
Well that about raps up the Valentines Day Funnies for Right Now. I will post more as soon as I get the chance. Thanks for taking the time to check it all out. Share us if you like us.
VALENTINE MEMES * VALENTINE JOKES * VALENTINE VIDEOS * VALENTINE CARDS
I appear to have lost my Valentines Humor page and my St. Pats Humor Page during a migration. Sadness.
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