A HAPPY HALLOWEEN JOKES PAGE.
We hope you
like the selection. We don't guarantee that you will find all of these
Halloween jokes funny but we didn't write them so it's not or fault. Hopefully
we have collected enough Halloween Humor to amuse you for a time. Be sure to
share this link, pass this page around to help us out.
It will surely grow year by year.
|Here is a quick selection of Some Halloween Quick Groaner Jokes.|
Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts...
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Why don't witches wear panties?
They get a better grip on their brooms.
Daddy, why do all the other kids call me werewolf?
Be quiet son, just go and comb your face!
|The door bell,
rings, and a man answers it. Here stands this
plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or
The man asks the kids what he's dressed up like for Halloween. The kid says, "I'm an IRS agent." Then he takes 28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say Thank You.
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.
One wore the top half and one one wore the bottom half.
Q: What did they go as?
A: An upper and lower GI.
There was a seminar on "Psychic Phenomena" going on, when the speaker decided to involve the audience. He first asked, "Everyone who has ever seen a ghost, please stand up." Well, nearly the entire audience stood up.
He then asked, "Everyone who has ever had a close encounter with a ghost, please remain standing." About 2 dozen people were still standing.
He then asked how many people had been in the same room as a ghost and 6 people stood up.
Finally he asked, "Anyone who has ever had SEX with a ghost, please remain standing." Everyone sat down except this one man.
When the speaker demanded if he had REALLY had sex with a ghost, the guy replied, "Oh, I am very sorry, I thought you said GOAT."
TRICK OR TREATING BY STAR SIGN
Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first.
Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.
Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again.
Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters.
Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea.
Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper.
Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume.
Scorpio isn't in it for the candy.
Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town.
Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take.
Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts.
Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.
10 Things That Sound Dirty
On Halloween, But Aren't...
1. So...What'd you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!
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Wishing you a safe and happy Halloween for you and all your family.
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