A HAPPY HALLOWEEN JOKES PAGE.
A merry Samhain, and All Hallows Eve to you all

From Humorcafe.com and Allfunpix.com

We hope you like the selection. We don't guarantee that you will find all of these Halloween jokes funny but we didn't write them so it's not or fault. Hopefully we have collected enough Halloween Humor to amuse you for a time. Be sure to share this link, pass this page around to help us out.  It will surely grow year by year.

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Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive Halloween!

FREE GAMES
GOOD JOKES

And Now For Some Halloween Funnies

A cabbie picks up a nun.

She gets into the cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend
you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single,
and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes! I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," asks the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

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Here is a quick selection of Some Halloween Quick Groaner Jokes.
What did the boy monster do when the girl monster rolled her eyes at him?
He picked them up and rolled them back to her!

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
What do Hillbillies do for Halloween?
Pump-Kin

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
Bring me three beers and a mop!

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...
Please Forgive us if the Section above contains duplicates from other pages. There are ton's of these jokes out there.
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finds it and it's coming from a grave with a headstone of Ludwig van Beethoven . He realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it's being played backward!

The music has changes and now the Seventh Symphony plays, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the man goes to consult a music scholar. When he returns with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the them. "I wouldn't worry bout that." says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

**************************

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as 'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.

"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back four more times tonight too."

**************************

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."


**************************

A balding man with a wooden leg describes himself when ordering a costume and not being inventive himself he asks them to send him their best choice for his costume. He receives a package with the following note inside.

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.


The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your
wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.


Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.

8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.

6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else, you already are.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.

4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging.

1. If you don't get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more!


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Hopin that made ya giggle just a little bittle. Thanks for taken the time to check it all out.
Wishing you a safe and happy Halloween for you and all your family.

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