Notice Of Revocation Of Independence

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice, effective today, that Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all States, Commonwealths, and other territories, including New Jersey.

To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following Acts:

1. Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75). Start spelling English words correctly.

2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God Save The Queen."

3. Start referring to "soccer" as football.

4. Declare war on Quebec and France.

5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.

6. Close down the NFL. Learn to play Rugby.

7. Enjoy warm, flat, beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses to be more aggressive with customers, and not to tell you their names before you eat.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday - this has been replaced with November 5th.

9. All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to take 6 weeks annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks.

10. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change immediately.

11. Report to our Consulate General in New York (M. Wragg) for your new passport and job allocation.

12. Add the Royal Insignia to the top of the Washington Monument and the Queen's Christmas Speeches to the Lincoln Memorial.

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