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Funny Thanksgiving Jokes and Stories - PG 1

From our Collection of Thanksgiving Humor. We have collected these Thanks Giving Jokes and Thanksgiving Holiday stories to amuse you on this lovely day. Hope you enjoy the show. It's the best thanksgiving website in town or my name ain't Squanto.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

Giving Thanks
Copyright 2000 Melvin Durai

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Many of us have the habit of sending 'thank you' cards whenever we receive a gift, even if we plan to return the gift to whichever company had the poor sense to make it. But when it comes to other things that benefit us, we barely utter a word of gratefulness. Even on Thanksgiving Day, we're usually thankful for only one thing: that someone else is doing the dishes.

Wouldn't it be great if we sent 'thank you' cards at least once a year to people who make a difference in our lives? Here are just a few 'thank you' suggestions:

---Thank your parents for loving you and providing for you. Without them, Halloween wouldn't have been the only day you spent begging for candy. They helped you distinguish right from wrong (unless you're reading this in prison). Even when you messed up and were charged with drunken driving, they didn't stop encouraging you to run for president.

---Thank your teachers for educating you. They taught you how to read, saving you the embarrassment of voting for the wrong presidential candidate. They taught you geography and history, allowing you to gain an appreciation for all the other subjects.

---Thank your police officers for not only protecting you, but also entertaining you. If they weren't around, you wouldn't be able to watch your favorite television show "Cops." That's because someone would surely kidnap you. And to pay the ransom, your family would need to sell your precious big-screen TV. And your even-more-precious remote

---Thank your mail carriers for being so reliable. Almost every single day, they bring you important letters and other mail. Without them, you'd have trouble filling your trashcans. And even worse, you wouldn't know what's on sale at Wal-Mart.

---Thank your politicians for representing you in the legislature. They sponsor laws that benefit your community. They make sure your taxes don't get so high that you can't contribute to their campaigns.

---Thank your trash collectors for picking up your garbage. Without them, you'd have to decorate your home with empty beer cans. And you'd have to walk around with a clip over your nose. That would end any hopes you have of getting a date.

---Thank your employer for giving you a job. Without it, you'd have no time whatsoever to surf the Internet. Without it, you'd have to find some other things to complain about. And how would you pay all your bills? You'd have to collect more beer cans.

---Thank your co-workers for putting up with you. They have to listen to all your complaints, which cuts down on their complaining time. If they had wanted to hear so many complaints, they'd have gotten a job
at Firestone.

---Thank your doctor for treating you. Without doctors, all your other complaints would seem trivial. You'd probably die from the common cold. Without doctors, you'd never appreciate how low your other
bills are.

---Thank your dentist for working on your teeth. Because of dentists, you can smile without scaring children. Because of them, you can drive past a road construction crew and feel great sympathy for the
Copyright 2000 Melvin Durai

Melvin Durai is a Shippensburg, Pennsylvania-based
writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up
in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the
early 1980s. Read his older columns at


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