Valentines Day Jokes
When we set out to
build this page we had no Idea that there
were so few Valentine Humor web pages in
existence. We found that most valentine humour sites
contained the same 5 to 6 jokes. We felt
we should do more for you our honored
jest. We felt that Valentines day was
unfulfilled without paying homage to the time
honored traditions of Man vs. Woman comedy. So
we compiled the Best Valentine's Day Jokes and
Man vs Woman humor we could find all for your
Valentime's Day entertainment.
Here be the collection of V-day Jokes and general Woman
vs. Man Humor We have tried not to bias this to our own gender
but we make no promises. Hope you enjoy the humor.
These are entries to a competition
asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least
romantic second line.... or what not to write on the card.
Love may be beautiful, love may be
But I only slept with you, cause I was pissed. <--- that means
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.
I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel, your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag, off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you, screwed up my life.
I see your face, when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in, to smell this way.
My feelings for you, no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
"Do you love me
with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky on
hmm." replied Dave.
"Do you think I'm the most
beautiful girl in the world?"
"Do you think my lips are
like rose petals?"
"Oh Dave," gushed Becky,
"you say the most beautiful things!"
Every Friday after
work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream
sits in the
second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat,
which is empty,
and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy
her an ice cream cone.
The owner, who is used to the weird, local
university types, always shrugs
but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day
arrives, and the mathematician
makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into
empty space, curiosity gets
the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for
my stupid questions, but
surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting
in that last stool,
man. Why do you persist in talking to empty
replies, "Well, according to quantum physics,
is never truly empty. Virtual particles come
into existence and vanish all
the time. You never know when the proper wave
function will collapse and a
girl might suddenly appear there."
The owner raises
his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't
just ask one of the girls who comes here every
Friday if you could buy HER
a cone? You never know ... she might say yes."
laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to
That's about it for this Valentines Jokes Page. Click on to the
next to see what else is in store for you.
Or Use the bottom Link to return to the Funny Pictures Pages.
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