Valentine's Day Jokes Page

Wishing all of you a safe and chafing free Valentines Day

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Valentines Day Jokes Compellation Page 5

Valentines Day Jokes Collection

In an effort to conserve space we are stacking a few jokes on every page.

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V-Day Jokes 1

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Here be the collection of V-day Jokes and general Woman vs. Man Humor We have tried not to bias this to our own gender but we make no promises. Hope you enjoy the humor.
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Top economist Valentine's Day cards
A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"

The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"

She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Stupid Jokes on Men

1.What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women"

2.What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature

3.How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head

4.What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up

5.How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares

6.How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know... it has never happened

7.What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum

8.What's the difference between a man and E.T?
E.T. phoned home

9.What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer

10.What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted !

11.What did God say after he created man?
I can do better

12.What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind 2. No business

13.What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist

14.Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal?
He bronzed it

15.How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy and wearable"

16.Only a man could buy a $400 car and put a $4000 stereo in it

17. Why did God create man?
He needed to practice

18.Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost, at least she will ask for directions


•A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

•Two women friends meet on the street, but they haven't seen each other for years. As they are talking one women notices that her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring, and says "My what a magnificent ring." Her friend relies, "Yes, it is, but unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes
with my husband!"

•Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

•Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

•One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.

•Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

•I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

•A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

•I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

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